Esmarie Fourie found out two weeks ago that the breast cancer she has been battling for six years has now spread to her brain. (Photo: Esmarie Fourie/Facebook)
“Cry when you need to cry. Scream when you need to scream. But never, ever forget to laugh.”
So says 35-year-old Esmarie Fourie from Hermanus in the Western Cape, despite a death sentence hanging over her head.
Fourie found out two weeks ago that the breast cancer she has been battling for six years has now spread to her brain. Doctors think she probably only has a few months left to live.
“When I realized how extremely limited my time here on earth is, everything stopped for a moment. Then I remembered that fighting for my survival is all I have known for the past few years.”
Since the age of 29, Fourie has been regularly in hospital for operations, radiation and continuous chemotherapy.
“Where other people my age start families, I built a family in the hospital. My feet know the ward’s floors better than some of the staff who come and go.”
But Fourie has an unquenchable spirit.
Even the medical staff are sometimes amazed by her appearance and her zest for life. Dr. Naomi du Toit from Cancercare Vergelegen, Fourie’s oncologist, recently noticed herself that she does not look at all like someone who is seriously ill.
Since the age of 29, Esmarie Fourie has been regularly in hospital for operations, radiation and continuous chemotherapy. (Photo: Esmarie Fourie/Facebook)
What does she draw strength from?
Her answer is simple: “Hope, faith and loved ones”.
While others might want to turn back the clock to a time before illness, Fourie looks back with gratitude.
“My 29 years before the cancer journey actually felt empty. If I could turn back time, I wouldn’t change a thing. Although this path brought a lot of sadness, it also held just as much – if not more – beauty. This is what I hold on to.”
The simplest things, which healthy people often take for granted, motivate her.
“Knowing that I could still get up every day is enough for me. I can hear, see, feel, experience and just be.
“And if I get the chance to make someone else feel better, I’ll do it. It makes me feel better too – even if it’s just through a small act of kindness.”
Fourie was aware over the years that her cancer could worsen, but says that the rate at which it happened now was a big shock.
“It’s as if a thousand thoughts flowed through me at one moment. Are my parents and sisters going to be okay? What about my dogs? There are still many things I want to do and experience…”
Greatest wish is ‘freedom’
Although she knows her time is limited, Fourie’s wish list is not about extreme adventures, but about the precious simplicity of life.
“I want to spend as much quality time as possible with my family, puppies and loved ones – that’s all that matters. I also simply want to spend as much time as possible in nature. I really want to go camping.”
Her two Jack Russell dogs, Millie and Buela, form the center of much that she still wants to tackle.
“Having to leave them behind is one of the hardest realities to come to terms with. I so hoped that one day I would survive them, because you can’t explain to dogs that you’re not coming back.
“It’s already terrible for me to see how they mourn when I’m away for a few days to recover in the hospital. And then the excitement when I come back… It breaks my heart to know that there will come a day when I won’t walk through the gate again.
“My biggest wish is simple: that I can just load them into a car to go to the sea. Or even just to go for a drive.”
Esmarie Fourie’s two Jack Russell dogs, Millie and Buela, form the center of much that she still wants to tackle. (Photo: Esmarie Fourie/Facebook)
She dreams of learning to drive a tractor, paraglide, drive a train and for the first time dare to do stunts.
“I have to say, there are so many people who reached out to help make my wish list come true. I feel incredibly privileged.
“Sometimes I even feel like I don’t deserve it. I can only pray and say thank you. These people were definitely sent by the Lord to make me feel special and cheer me up.”
Between all the dreams and adventures is a huge obstacle: the urgent need for an affordable car.
“Raising money for a cheap car is actually at the top of my list. It’s a huge problem because I can’t get anywhere. I can’t even get to my doctor’s appointments, or the dream list items that people are trying to help me with. My parents don’t have a car either. We’re completely stranded.”
(Photo: Esmarie Fourie/Facebook)
‘Future in God’s Hands’
For Fourie, her faith in God is not a crutch she holds on to in difficult times, but the real foundation of her strength. She testifies candidly that in the darkest hours of her illness she learned what true surrender means.
(Photo: Esmarie Fourie/Facebook)
“Faith does not mean that you always have to be strong; it means that you may be weak so that He can lift you up. My trust is not in an earthly prognosis, but in His hand that holds me every day.”
Her loved ones also reminded her of her own strength on the days when things started to feel unbearable.
“Any person comes to a point where you sometimes forget your own worth. Then it is precisely the people around us who pick us up again and make us believe in ourselves.”
She firmly believes that your mindset determines your reality, regardless of the circumstances. “I don’t see this road as time that is taken away from me. Rather, it is time that I gain to fix things and to appreciate life and the people around me.
“You can make the best of a bad situation, or the other way around. Stressing about what tomorrow brings isn’t going to change anything; we’re not guaranteed another day anyway. I make the best of a difficult situation, and that makes the burden a lot lighter.”
Encouraging words from celebrities
In the past few days, Fourie has received numerous encouraging messages from well-known South Africans. Artists such as Valiant Swart, Koos Kombuis, Jan Blohm, Jakkie Louw, Hykie Berg, Peach van Pletzen and Schalk Bezuidenhout all “paused” to give her hope. Patricia Lewis, Neels van Jaarsveld, Bouwer Bosch, Mila Guy and Wynand Kotze (better known as Tollie Parton) also sent videos of encouragement.
Especially the comic artist Kobus Galloway, creator of “Idees Vol Vrees” and a family friend, went out of his way to encourage Fourie.
Fourie tells that this flood of love carried her when she needed it the most.
(Photo: Esmarie Fourie/Facebook)
“The last week has been difficult since I was discharged from the hospital. It’s one thing to write down a wish list, but it’s a completely different story to come home and realize that the world goes on as usual. In the meantime, you’re trying to catch up before your time runs out. On Friday, I sat on the porch and thought: ‘How and where do I start now?’ And then the messages started coming through on my phone.”
She speaks with great appreciation of her longtime friendship with Galloway and the many celebrity videos he forwarded.
“He was part of our childhood and I remember how he could always brighten up a room with a joke. On Friday he did it again to cheer me up. He doesn’t look for recognition at all, but he has no idea what his friendship means to me. Giving someone hope is probably one of the most beautiful things a person can do on this earth.”
This wealth of care only further fueled her fighting spirit and Fourie is now even more determined than ever to exceed the doctors’ expectations.
With the hard lessons she had to learn herself, Fourie makes an urgent plea to young people in particular not to take their health for granted.
“You don’t expect at this age that something like this will happen to you. I always thought it was only grandmothers and grandfathers who get cancer. By the time I found out, I was already in stage three. People should never think they are too young to look out for the signs. There is no age limit when it comes to cancer. It is extremely important to go for regular tests and examinations.
Fourie says people often realize too late how precious their health really is.
“People tend to put off issues about their health, especially when you’re young, but it’s something you really have to make time for. Your health is all you have. Nothing else weighs more heavily. It doesn’t matter how young you are – make sure your health remains your top priority.”
For those who may be walking a dark and difficult path themselves, Fourie reminds them to be gentle with themselves.
“Take each day as it comes, and don’t worry too much about what others say or think. Hold on to the beautiful in life – even the smallest things – because it is precisely this that makes the burden lighter.
“And if you ever feel your hope is running low, just stop for a moment… and look back at how far you’ve already come. Tomorrow brings a new day, a new chance and a new beginning.”
Her view on the value of time stems from a life in which she was always willing to sacrifice her own interests for others.
“Time has always been a big thing for me. I’ve joked and said that I probably have so little of it left now because I’ve already given so much of it away. Especially to strangers on my path. I feel time is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone, because no one knows how much they have.”
(Photo: Esmarie Fourie/Facebook)