Mothers have a unique and powerful role in advocating for positive masculinity. (MoMo Productions/Getty Images)
In his opinion piece, Jaco van Schalkwyk, Founder & CEO of The Character Company (TCC), emphasises the importance of Women’s Month in South Africa as a time to celebrate the progress made by women and to address the ongoing issue of gender-based violence (GBV). He highlights the pivotal role women play in nurturing values that contribute to a healthier society and discusses how TCC’s mentorship program supports single mothers in raising boys with positive masculinity. Van Schalkwyk outlines practical ways mothers can advocate for and foster positive masculinity in their sons, ultimately contributing to a safer and more equitable South Africa.
South Africa’s celebration of August as Women’s Month commemorates the power of women coming together to bring about much-needed change to the country. It is a time of celebrating the progress made by South African women in the past, as well as a moment for activism when it comes to today’s unacceptable rates of gender-based violence (GBV). There is no doubt of women’s power to move the needle, and to shape the future of South Africa.
At The Character Company (TCC), we know that women, as partners, caregivers, educators, mothers, grandmothers and sisters, are pivotal in nurturing the values and behaviours that contribute to a healthier, more respectful, and more equitable society.
In our work of providing male mentors to boys who are growing up with absent fathers, we are closely connected to single mothers who are doing their best to raise good men. We see the difference they make to their boys by bringing home TCC’s five core values – courage, kindness, self-discipline, honesty and respect.
The power of positive masculinity
Positive masculinity is a concept that promotes the development of boys and men who find their personal power in respect, responsibility, co-operation, kindness and empathy. Men who embrace positive masculinity understand that being able to acknowledge and engage with one’s vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.
Emotional intelligence, healthy relationships, gender equality, and non-violence are priorities. Toxic behaviours often associated with traditional notions of masculinity, such as aggression, dominance, and emotional suppression, are rejected.
In a country where too many boys grow up without the presence of a father or male role model, the need for championing positive masculinity is urgent. Fatherless boys particularly struggle to form a positive identity and develop healthy self-esteem. There is a wide range of behaviours stemming from this, from chronic emotional and social withdrawal to aggression and abuse of others.
Social fathers supporting single mothers
Through our mentorship programme, TCC offers a form of social fatherhood—a network of male role models who step in to provide the guidance and support that these boys might otherwise lack. But social fatherhood is not just about filling the gap left by absent fathers; it is also about working in partnership with mothers to cultivate an environment where positive masculinity can thrive.
How mothers can be allies and advocates of positive masculinity
Mothers have a unique and powerful role in advocating for positive masculinity. Here are some tips on how mothers can become allies in this important cause:
- Encourage emotional literacy from a young age – Give your little boy lots of words for feelings from the time he starts to speak and encourage reflection on how he is feeling in the moment. Let him discover all the nuances of feelings and give him plenty of opportunities to work out if his strong emotion is frustration, anger or fury. Having words for your feelings and having the capacity to reflect on your feelings is a foundation of emotional intelligence. As your boy child grows, extend this capacity to also being able to read the emotions of others.
- Provide safe spaces for open communication – Create a safe space for your son to express his emotions, fears, concerns and anxieties. Encourage him to talk openly about his feelings without judgment or fear of being scolded. This requires the parent to be a sounding board rather than the arbiter of acceptable feelings and helps a boy understand that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. Boys who don’t have safe spaces to communicate openly about their emotional lives can become withdrawn, repressed or aggressive. They may experience chronic loneliness and become depressed, disconnected and anti-social in their behaviours.
- Reflect on your own attitudes towards masculinity – It helps to reflect honestly on how you think about masculinity and what has shaped your views. What have you experienced when it comes to traditional masculinity versus positive masculinity? What kind of man would you like your son to be when he grows up?
- Model respectful relationships – Show your son what healthy, respectful and collaborative relationships look like. Whether it’s through your interactions with others or how you treat yourself, modelling open communications, respect and kindness is crucial.
- Promote gender equality – Teach your son the importance of treating everyone equally, regardless of gender. Actively challenge gender stereotypes and identify gender bias. Encourage your boy to see the value in all people, irrespective of their gender.
- Connect with male role models – If you are the single mother of a boy child, engage with programmes like TCC that offer positive male mentors or identify social fathers in your family and community. These role models can provide the guidance, support, and positive examples that are essential in shaping your son’s understanding of manhood.
- Celebrate positive masculine traits – Acknowledge and celebrate the traits that contribute to positive masculinity, such as self-discipline, empathy, accountability, and kindness. Reinforce these behaviours through praise and encouragement.
- Educate about consent and boundaries – From an early age, teach your son about the importance of consent and respecting boundaries. This is a critical lesson in preventing gender-based violence and fostering respect for others.
- Engage in conversations about masculinity – Have open discussions about what it means to be a man in today’s world and the current challenges that boys are navigating.
As we commemorate Women’s Month 2024, let us remember that the fight for gender equality and the eradication of gender-based violence is a societal issue that needs to be addressed by all of us, not just government or activists. By championing positive masculinity, women, especially mothers, can play an integral role in shaping a safer, more just South Africa.
At TCC, we are committed to supporting single mothers and their sons in this journey. Together, we can nurture a generation of men who respect, honour, and uplift the women and girls in their lives—creating a future where all can thrive.
– Jaco van Schalkwyk, Founder & CEO of The Character Company (TCC).
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